WHY DO WE NEED WOMEN’S SPACES?

Alt text: picture of 8 diverse women in matching blue sailing team shirts, smiling at the camera on the deck of a sailboat. team — DEAR SKIPPER JENN

Much like Dear Abby, or my favorite, Dear Sugar, this newsletter series is about questions and answers. I invite sailors to e-mail me with their questions and I will do my best to pick and answer those that reflect topics and themes that are important to our community. All questions will remain anonymous.

Dear Skipper Jenn,

I don’t get it, why do we need women only spaces and events? Isn’t that excluding men when what we want is to be included? How does this help women move forward?
Signed, Confused About Inclusivity

Dear Confused About Inclusivity,

This is one of the most frequently asked questions I receive from people—you are not alone.

I think we can all agree that we want equality for women in the sport of sailing and in the world. In an equal world, we would not be working with negative gender biases or sexism. We would not need any kind of unique events or spaces if people of all genders were on equal footing. We would be paid the same wages for performing the same jobs. In a world with equality, domestic violence, sexual harassment, and assaults against women and non-binary people would be extremely low.

However, we do not live in that world. Sexual assault and domestic violence numbers for women are consistently high. Globally, we get paid 23% less an hour than men. In many countries, girls are more likely to not receive education. Violence and murder among non-binary and transgender people are always tragic and are spiking in 2020. The World Sailing Trust put out its strategic review on women in sailing in 2019 and it was a validating and sad read. The conclusion: there is active discrimination of women in the sport and industry.

Far too often I hear women tell stories of being sexually harassed or belittled on the water. Far too often I hear stories of women being passed over, ignored, or not given credit for their efforts. Far too often I read comments in mixed gender forums that are rude and offensive, or of women who are trolled and sent sexually explicit messages on the side. We need women only spaces for safety. Not just physical safety, but emotional and psychological safety. What is psychological safety? It is the ability to take risks, contribute or challenge ideas or thoughts, and ask questions without any negative repercussions to your character, role, or status. Women only spaces allow us to discuss issues in sailing that we uniquely face without fear of harassment. This is why the Women Who Sail (WWS) group was created and why other online sailing groups should have respectful guidelines and moderation.

We need women’s events to create opportunities for women. One way to grow the sport is to have classes, regattas, and socials with women in mind. This might mean all-women’s events, or regattas like Women at the Helm. This was a concept I thought of last year as a way to create an event around women driving boats. In the Pacific Northwest, we have a large community of amazing women sailors. However, men still own the majority of the race boats, so we are almost always crew; there is rarely a chance to drive for many women. Women at the Helm’s main rule was that women had to drive. This gave boat crews a chance to mix things up and have women take the lead. It also showcased our women boat owners out there, one of whom took first overall.

Before this event I heard men saying things like, “They will be too timid on the start lines,” and “They will be too aggressive and competitive, there will be accidents,” and “How cute, a women’s regatta!” In true form to sexism, we were either going to be too emotional, too weak, or just pretty. After the event, which had an excellent turn out with 30 boats, I heard one man say, “That was just like a real regatta!” This is EXACTLY MY POINT. Because women ultimately are just sailors on the water like anyone else. If we have more opportunities to show that, then the bias can change, and we take more steps toward equality. Team Sail Like a Girl and Maiden in the past several years also have stories and programs that mirror this need. There are a lot of women out there working hard and representing as badass sailors!

Confused About Inclusivity, you are absolutely right, we do need men to help move us forward. That’s because they have the most wealth, positions of power, and the cultural bias of authority and respect. Men need to listen and learn from women and what their needs are. Men need to look at their own beliefs, biases, and behaviors and start to shift them. Put yourself in our shoes for a moment. Ask yourself how you would feel if at the marina people routinely walked up to you and asked or suggested in one way or another, “Do you belong here? Do you know what you are doing? Will you flirt with me?”

One reason WWS has created public spaces with their Instagram, Facebook, and Newsletter is so there are opportunities to collaborate with men to facilitate a greater understanding of what women and non-binary folks experience and need to create equity in the sport. It is critical to point out that this is all needed for BIPOC and LGBTQ folks as well. What we need now to reach equality one day is EQUITY IN ACTION.

Equity is different than equality, and critical in the process of facilitating inclusion. Equity is acknowledging difference and creating systems that give more equal footing. We actually use equity all the time in sailing. Eric, my boyfriend, and crew, is much larger than me physically. He is 6’3” and I am 5’7”, which doesn’t mean I can’t hoist sails or pull lines just as well, I just need to add some purchase and mechanical advantages to do it. In clubs and organizations equity looks like policies, guidelines and events encouraging opportunities for folks other than wealthy white men to participate.

The other comments I hear often in this work are, “But Jenn, women can be mean and sexist, too. And men treat one another badly online.” Again, they are right. Sexism hurts everyone. People internalize toxic and restrictive gender roles in many ways and act out. I also hear, “But not all men are like that, not all women want special events.” This is also all true. There is a lot of research out there that says sexism isn’t just about individual folks acting certain ways. Sexism is about the systems in place, both culturally and institutionally, that impact the daily lives of people of all genders. You can be a good guy, and an ally, and you are also still a participant in a sexist system. You can be a woman and you are also a participant in a sexist system. That’s why we have to be actively anti-sexist, working with biases and beliefs taught by that system to truly make change.

The overall game is rigged, and we have to work not only with our personal bias, but also with institutions, clubs, and policies, in order to create an more equal system. Really folks, some of this is simple: learn to listen to people disadvantaged by sexism, racism, and homophobia and make shifts to meet their needs. Most importantly, be kind to one another.

From Women Who Sail Newsletter | Issue 1. | August 2020.

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Alt text: picture of Jenn, a white woman, at the helm of a boat. She is wearing a gray ballcap that says YAY in pink, block letters, sunglasses, racing gear, a PDF and with her gloved hand she waves hello at the camera. — Skipper Jenn

Jenn Harkness is a human being, artist, coach, therapist, writer, friend, mermaid, student of life and lover of all shine and sparkle. She is also Editor-in-Chief of the WWS Newsletter. You can find more of my writing over at skipperjenn.com. While I am a mental health counselor and life coach, and have expertise on human behavior and social dynamics, this series is not intended to be mental health treatment. If you are struggling, please seek personal professional help. Everyone needs support sometimes, being human is weird, complicated and can be hard. May we all sail in peace.